SmackDown – Abridged

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In which SHANE’s real mad.

discount Marvel movie intro, then/now/whatever

SHANE: real mad, bout beat Roman last nite, Taker showed up, imma beat em at Xtreme

it’s a new day, yes it is

KOFI: won belt at Mania, leapybeat Dolph at Stompyground, Joe killed me on Raw, very ow

suddenly DOLPH

DOLPH: stop ignorin me

KOFI: beat ya twice

DOLPH: barely, fightin ya tonite 2 outta 3 style, I win and I fight you and Joe at Xtreme

meanwhile backstage

MIZ: hey Elias, Shane home

ELIAS: yep but he’s mad, imma strum

MIZ: stop, tell Shane imma fight him later, bye

SHANE: sup Elias

ELIAS: Miz wants to fight ya

SHANE: yes plz but only if he beats ya 2 outta 3 style

ELIAS: yay imma strum more

NEW DAY’s fightin PLANETCHAMPS

XAVIER: have graps

BRYAN: eh

XAVIER: dropkick then

BRYAN: facekick then

ROWAN: tag, haveth thou multiple bonks

BRYAN: tag, moar offense

ROWAN: tag, I remain quite large

XAVIER: so I face in peril now

ROWAN: yea verily

XAVIER does til

E: tag, I am also very big

BRYAN: labell lock, yes kicks

E: spike tho

XAVIER: tag, midnite hour, pin

BRYAN: k

KO, SAMI: surprise tho

NEW DAY: very ow

suddenly HEAVIES

HEAVIES: time to clear things

E: yay imma help

standard eight man tag match ensues cause SDL playaplayaplaya til

OTIS: caterpillar time

KO: very nah, bye

HEAVIES: compactor pin

SAMI: k

previously backstage

NIKKI: imma fight Bayley to get your rematch at Xtreme

BLISS: fine, imma be in Singapore

NIKKI: imma still win

BLISS: sure

AWWWWWWWW SAAAAAAAAAAAM

also here’s a heel dad with money and ELIAS

ELIAS: hi, imma strum, your sports team sucks

MIZ: cool let’s fight, have the floor, have the corner, imma ropeyjump

SHANE: better not

ELIAS: drift away pin

MIZ: k

REF: 1 for Elias

ELIAS: yay have all the heelybonks

MIZ face in perils til

MIZ: punchyrally, it kicks, ddt pin

ELIAS: nah

MIZ: figures, moar it kicks

ELIAS: rollypin

MIZ: nah

SHANE: imma distract ya

MIZ: nah

SHANE: imma beat ya then

REF: 1 for Miz, tied up

SHANE: don’t care, real mad

various beatemups ensue

ELIAS: jumpypin

MIZ: k

SHANE: k we’re done

ELIAS: really

SHANE: pshh nah

moar beatemups ensue

meanwhile backstage

KAYLA: hey Finn, Andrade was pretty tough, how bout that

FINN: yep

KAYLA: hey Finn, who’s next, how bout that

SHIN: sup

FINN: oh yes plz

NIKKI’s fightin BAYLEY so BLISS can fight BAYLEY later

NIKKI: welp it’s crazytime

BAYLEY: pretty good tho, have ropes

NIKKI: swingykicks

BAYLEY: that’s new, have a corner, pin

NIKKI: nah

BAYLEY: this’ll take a bit

NIKKI: imma crazyrally

BAYLEY: have the floor, imma dive

NIKKI: dodge

PICCOLO: and see she might win

NIKKI: pin

BAYLEY: nah

GOHAN: you were sayin

BAYLEY: rollypin

NIKKI: nah, rollypin

BAYLEY: also nah

NIKKI: rollypin again then

BAYLEY: k

NIKKI: VERY YAY

meanwhile backstage

MELLA: where’s Truth

FIREDESIRE: dunno but ya suck

MELLA: bye, where’s Truth

TRUTH: sup

DRAKE: also sup, no ref, real sad, life’s ruined

TRUTH: aww man sorry, thought it was Mella’s wedding, get a ref

DRAKE: really

TRUTH: pshh nah, bye

DRAKE: gahhhhhhhh

BEAR: so Truth’s a heel now right

EMBER’s fightin SONYA, standard match ensues til

SONYA: pin

EMBER: k

meanwhile backstage

BLACK: WHY WON’T ANYONE FIGHT ME

suddenly doorknocks

BLACK: oh yes plz

now DOLPH’s fightin KOFI 2 outta 3 style to fight KOFI and JOE later

DOLPH: wanna grap

KOFI: not really

DOLPH: we’re gonna

KOFI: fine, facepunches tho

DOLPH: have a corner then, moar graps, pin

REF: grabbin the rope tho

KOFI: rollypin

DOLPH: k

REF: 1 for Kofi

DOLPH: have the floor, zig zag

KOFI: very ow

DOLPH: cornersplash

KOFI: no thanks

DOLPH: pin tho

REF: 1 for Dolph, tied up

DOLPH: facepunches

KOFI: likewise

DOLPH: maybe graps’ll work then

KOFI: nah imma rally

DOLPH: nah ya won’t, elbowdrop pin

KOFI: nah, rollypin

DOLPH: nah

KOFI: top rope crossbody

DOLPH: not workin, ddt pin

KOFI: nah

DOLPH: yep never works

KOFI: ropeybounces might tho

DOLPH: have the floor

KOFI: facekick, top rope jump pin

DOLPH: nah

BEAR: dang

DOLPH: famasser

KOFI: nah, powerbomb pin

DOLPH: nah

KOFI: rollypin maybe

DOLPH: nah, have a post, zig zag pin

KOFI: nah

BEAR: good gravy

KOFI: trouble in paradise pin

DOLPH: k

BEAR: but wait gimme more

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