Raw – Abridged

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In which SHANE and DREW say how great ROMAN is.

discount Marvel movie intro, then/now/whatever

here’s SETH, got a chair

SETH: ShowDown happened, chairwhomped Bork, loved it, still got a belt

suddenly BARON

BARON: hate ya Universe

UNIVERSE: LIKEWISE

BARON: wanna talk tho

UNIVERSE: AIN’T GONNA LET YA

BARON: y’all suck tho

UNIVERSE: WHY WE NEVER

BARON: ref cost me at ShowDown, imma fight Seth at Stompin Ground, choosin special guest ref

SETH: imma still win tho, also no one likes ya

suddenly a hipster who hates everyone

SAMI: Baron’s aight, Seth’s fine, belt’s hurtin him cause toxicness, Baron should have it

SETH: o rly

SAMI: and Baron’s gonna help me

SETH: ah

suddenly KO

KO: runnin D for Sami, Baron’s great, you suck

SETH: fight me

KO: maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaybe

SETH: main event tho

KO: k

here’s a bad promo fightin LUCHAPARTY in an elimination fight

KALISTO: totally got a chance

LARS: nah

LINCE: but

LARS: still nah

GRAN: maybe

LARS: said nah

LARS kills LUCHAPARTY

meanwhile backstage

TRUTHMELLA: run awayyy

JOBBERS: chasin ya cause belt

TRUTHMELLA: elevator tho

JOBBERS: ooh us too

ELEVATOR: imma pick right now to stop

TRUTH: can’t pin me cause no ref sooooo

JOBBERS: yep

BEAR: you made that boring, how’d you do that

COLE: imma interview The Man and Lacey, hey The Man, you –

LACEY: ladies first tho

THE MAN: you suck tho

LACEY: done what I needed to

THE MAN: imma run thru ya

LACEY: neat, you scurred, imma take your belt

THE MAN: still a plank

LACEY: sure

meanwhile backstage

ALEXA: Bayley manipulates folks

NIKKI: wait really

ALEXA: yeah she sucks

NIKKI: guess she does

ALEXA: but I’m your friend

NIKKI: guess you are

AWWWWWWWWW SAAAAAAAAAAAAAAM

MIZ: well it’s Miz TV, here’s Joe

here he in fact is

MIZ: hey Joe, I –

JOE: won muh belt back

MIZ: um ya choked Rey then talked bout his son, kinda sucks, how bout that

JOE: eh

suddenly BRAUN

BRAUN: imma give ya hands

suddenly BOB

BOB: nah me cause history

suddenly RICOCHET

RICOCHET: nah me cause beat Cesaro

speak of the devil

CESARO: hi Ricochet, facepunch

RICOCHET: ow

MIZ: can we fight now

JOE, BRAUN, BOB: sure

suddenly it’s a three man tag, BRAUN/MIZ/RICOCHET vs. BOB/JOE/CESARO

BRAUN: have beef, also kips

BOB: moar beef, also jumps

MIZ: tag

JOE: sucker punch

MIZ: I take it I face in peril now

JOE: yep

MIZ does til

RICOCHET: tag, time to zoom

CESARO: tag, time to do a clinic

RICOCHET: sounds good, let’s

they do til RICOCHET face in perils then

MIZ: tag

BOB: also tag

MIZ: ddt

CESARO: maybe don’t

MIZ: also ddt, it kicks

JOE: tag, pin

BRAUN: don’t you dare

BOB: hi

BRAUN: have a wall

CESARO: cool imma swing Miz, sharpshooter

RICOCHET: maybe don’t

BRAUN: tag, everyone dies

JOE: lemme try my beef tho

BRAUN: don’t think so

JOE: yeah true, run awayyy

BRAUN: don’t think so

unabridgeable chaos ensues til

RICOCHET: 450 splash pin

CESARO: actual ow but k

CHARLY: hey Baron, got a guest ref, how bout that

BARON: not quite yet

SAMI: wanna talk

BARON: k

here’s MANLEY taggin vs BLISSEY

NIKKI: also here

standard tag match ensues til

LACEY: women’s right pin

BAYLEY: k

meanwhile backstage

SAMI: hi Shane

SHANE: sup

SAMI: wanna guest ref Baron’s Stompin Ground match, wanna audition by outside guest reffin tonite

SHANE: you should audition by outside guest reffin tonite

SAMI: yep

here’s a walrus

PAUL: hi I’m Paul, Seth murderbeat Bork at ShowDown, Bork’ll cash whenever

BEAR: k

meanwhile TRUTH and JOBBERS still in ELEVATOR, comedy ensues

here’s IICONICS

PEYTON: longest reigning women’s tag champs

BILLIE: wanna fight tough folks

JOBBERS: hi

BILLIE: also your sports team sucks

IICONICS kill JOBBERS

here’s DREW with bagpipers and a heel dad with money, celebratin things

SHANE: Roman’s freaking amazing, beat him at ShowDown tho, Drew’s great too

DREW: daww thanks bud, Roman’s awesome tho, imma murderdeathkill him at Stompin Ground

SHANE: imma drink bubbly outta my trophy

DREW: cool

SHANE: here’s Revival

here they in fact are

SHANE: no bubbly yet, yall gotta fight Usos and HawkRyder for the tag belts first

BEAR: oh yeah HawkRyder’s champs, totally forgot

they fight til

USO: jumpysplash

RYDER: ow

DAWSON: tag tho, pin

RYDER: k

REVIVAL: yay got belts

CHARLY: hey Seth, Sami’s outside reffin in your match, how bout that

SETH: ready for anythin

meanwhile in ELEVATOR

EC3: true love’s real

BEAR: man we were away awhile huh

TRUTH: love yall

JOBBERS: daww love ya too

ELEVATOR: imma pick right now to open

TRUTH: oh

unabridgeable chaos ensues, TRUTHMELLA escapes

here’s BRAY’s creepy kid show

RABBIT: Mercy tried to eat me

BRAY: might bring out Fiend then

MERCY, RABBIT: maybe don’t

BRAY: then my gloves say Rabbit gets to talk

RABBIT: imma tell Universe wassup tho

BRAY: then imma beefyhammersquash ya

he in fact does

BRAY: mmm his blood tastes like jelly, lemme in

BEAR: love it

here’s SETH fightin KO with SAMI outside guest reffin

SAMI: imma check em for knives

REF: oh must you

SETH: k let’s fight

KO: ow ref Seth’s cheatin

REF: nah

SAMI: maybe tho

REF: NAH

KO: rest holds then

SETH: flips, rollypin

SAMI: hey ref imma distract ya

REF: I am very distracted

SETH: maybe count tho

KO: nah, have the floor

SETH face in perils til

SETH: facekick, enziguri, frog spl-

SAMI: hey maybe don’t

REF: why tho

KO: rollypin

SETH: nah, imma dive, stomp pin

SAMI: hey ref imma dq Seth cause he grazed me on that dive

REF: UM

SETH: YEAH UM

SAMI: totally a ref, match’s done

SETH: cool I can kill ya now

BARON: well hi, have beatemups

SETH: ow

BARON: maybe some chairthumps

SETH: I think not, Sami gets em

SAMI: ow

SETH: aaaaaaaaaaaand stomp

SAMI: very ow

BARON: run awayyy

BEAR: hey folks, ask me anythin in the comments, imma answer some, how bout that

from Cageside Seats - All Posts http://bit.ly/2Kakypc

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