Raw – Abridged

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In which BORK finds out how his case works.

discount Marvel movie logo, then/now/whatever

VIDEO: It’s Memorial Day. Freedom is not free. There is nothing funny about this.

it’s a new day, yes it is

KOFI: KO hurt E’s knee again, Dolph hurt me, still here tho, wanna be a great champ, Bork should cash on me now

suddenly SETH

SETH: nah, beat Bork, Bork should cash on me

suddenly BORK and his walrus, BORK’s jammin to his case

BORK: issa bork party, Kofi should dance

KOFI: eh

BORK: how bout Seth

SETH: bye

KOFI: cash on me tho

PAUL: welp Bork was gonna say his cash but Seth left so

BORK and his walrus leave, suddenly DOLPH

DOLPH: zigzag on ramp, gotta chair

suddenly XAVIER

XAVIER: run

DOLPH: gladly

KOFI: imma limp out then

DOLPH: welp I’m back

XAVIER: have all the beatemups then

DOLPH: eyegouge, wall, etc.

XAVIER: still got punches

DOLPH: chair related beatemups bud

KOFI: gotta chair tho

DOLPH: run awayyy

XAVIER: really

DOLPH: pshh nah, on the ramp now

BEAR: oh cool he can teleport

DOLPH: Kofi’s best WWE champ ever, shoulda been me, imma take Kofi’s belt at Showdown

meanwhile USOS barbecuin

USO: happy bday Nattie uce

USO: party’s great uce

meanwhile backstage

CHARLY: hey Shane, you’re fightin, how bout that

SHANE: yep, Drew’s comin

here’s a heel dad with money and DREW

SHANE: McMahons and Samoans been around, Roman’s disrespectful, punchin dads is bad, here’s a Samoan

yep but JOBBER tho

DREW: imma beat him up

SHANE: lil much

DREW: fiiiiiiiiiine

SHANE: now have offense

SHANE beats JOBBER

SHANE: not done, more beatemups, Roman’s dad shouldn’ta had im

suddenly ROMAN

ROMAN: superman punch to Drew

SHANE: run awayyy

ROMAN: got one for you, spear time

DREW: nah imma save im

ROMAN: cool imma overcome things later

well it’s BORK and his walrus again, still jammin

PAUL: I’m Paul, he’s Bork, Bork’s gonna cash

suddenly SETH

SETH: got a belt, Bork’s a joke, beat him at Mania

PAUL: Bork’s got a year

BORK: wait I do

PAUL: um yep

BORK: k bye

BORK eats all the BBQ in KC, suddenly TRUTH

TRUTH: still runnin

LOWER CARD: still chasin

BEAR: neat

meanwhile backstage

CHARLY: hey AJ, you got hurt, how bout that

AJ: yep

BARON: have beatemups anyway

AJ: ow

here’s THE MAN, she and NIKKI’s fightin IICONICS

NIKKI: ooh me first, have muh crazy

PEYTON: have muh armwrenches

NIKKI: rollypin

PEYTON: nah

NIKKI: imma armwrench then

BILLIE: tag

NIKKI: moar crazy then, also apronjump

BILLIE: just face in peril

NIKKI: rollypin

BILLIE: nah and did you hear me

NIKKI: not rly

THE MAN: tag, have offense, legdrop pin

BILLIE: breakup

NIKKI: stop that

BILLIE: facekick for ya

PEYTON: pin

THE MAN: nah, disarmher

NIKKI: got Billie

THE MAN: pin then

BILLIE: k

suddenly LACEY

LACEY: hi

THE MAN: wanna fight ya

LACEY: bye

meanwhile USOS still barbecuin

NAOMI: sup Nia

NIA: we good

NAOMI: there’s smoked meats here so yep

REVIVAL: hey Usos, thanks for invitin us

USOS: didn’t

NAOMI: I did, gotta squash beef

USOS: fiiiiiiiiiiine

here’s RICOCHET fightin CESARO,

BEAR: too dope, can’t abridge

unabridgeable awesomeness ensues til

RICOCHET: flippypin

CESARO: k

COLE: Joe hurt Rey, he’s givin up his belt next week

suddenly JOE

JOE: want his belt then, bye

meanwhile USOS still barbecuin

USOS: real good at cornhole uce

REVIVAL: we see that

on the tron

MIZ: wanna earn a belt shot

BRAUN: imma give folks hands, gettin a belt shot

BRAUN’s fightin MIZ and BOB and BARON for a belt shot

BRAUN: got beef

BOB: also beef

BARON: how bout muh beef

BRAUN: got beefed

MIZ: no beef, it kicks tho

BARON: pin

MIZ: nah

BARON: hey Bob wanna give Miz beef

BOB: good deal

a large amount of beef ensues til

BRAUN: beefyplex pin

BOB: nah

BRAUN: welp beef ain’t done then

even moar beef ensues til

MIZ: imma rally, Bob gets a corner

BARON: deep six pin

MIZ: nah

BRAUN: hey Bob, wanna fight in the crowd

BOB: will there be beef

BRAUN: tons

MIZ: meanwhile rollypin

BARON: nah

MIZ: have a corner then

BARON: end of days pin

MIZ: k

BARON’s got a belt shot, meanwhile USOS still barbecuin

USOS: still good at cornhole uce

TRUTH: well hi

food fight happens, TRUTH’s still runnin, here’s BRAY’s creepy kid show

BRAY: creepy clown’s called Fiend, lets me be brave

ABBY: you’re sick tho

BRAY: doc getup says nah, Abby’s a bully

ABBY: hate this limbo

BRAY: reminds me, gotta limbo, lemme in

COREY’s got a show, SAMI’s on it

COREY: got a lectric chair, Universe asks questions

UNIVERSER: when you retirin

SAMI: you look inbred

UNIVERSER: do ya miss The Man

SAMI: not really, your parents suck

UNIVERSER: Braun beat ya up tho

SAMI: wanna facepunch ya, you’d just sue me cause Merica

UNIVERSER: why haven’t you won the belt

SAMI: AEW’s a thing

BEAR: UM

VINCE: YES UM

suddenly SETH

SAMI: run awayyy

SETH: imma throw the lectric chair then

also they’re fightin

SAMI: don’t wanna tho

SETH: imma run ya down then, have offense

SAMI: very ow, gimme a min

SETH: not gonna

SAMI: have offense then

SETH: so I face in peril now

SAMI: sounds good

he does til

SETH: imma rally, have the floor

SAMI: have the post

SETH: moar face in peril huh

SAMI: moar face in peril

moar face in peril til

SETH: facekick, facepunches, slingblade, etc.

SAMI: imma roll out

SETH: imma dive aaaaaaand knee’s tweaked

SAMI: ddt pin

SETH: nah

SAMI: then imma kick your knee some

SETH: kicks but ow

SAMI: figure four

SETH: very ow, rollin thru tho

SAMI: also ow, blue thunder bomb pin

SETH: nah

SAMI: top rope suplex maybe

SETH: nah, frog splash

SAMI: knees up tho

SETH: curb stomp, very ow, can’t pin, nother curb stomp pin

SAMI: k

COREY: Bork could cash any time

BEAR: so why not now

VINCE: cause ratings

BEAR: also no abridgin Raw next week, imma see it live

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